I had to make a decision today. One that was tough but made sense. It will eventually come to the surface as to what that decision was and I know I will get a ton of questions as to why, now what. And I will gladly field those as they come. But for now, I want to focus on how we can let decisions in life go unattended because of being scared.
I recently had this conversation with a friend. My friend is also in a tough spot and is unable to move forward in life – figuratively speaking. When asked why, the response was a myriad of excuses to which I answered all of them, “So, you’re scared”. And by the end of our discussion (well, it’s really just on hold), there was an exhaustive statement that went something like, “Ya, I guess you’re right.”
While this topic of fear can be dissected and pulled apart a million different ways, I’m not in the mind frame to handle that at the moment. Instead I am most curious about the reaction I am getting from some of my closest family members and friends around my decision. While some are supportive, others have been rather hurtful.
You may be wondering how this entry has ANYTHING to do with weight loss, or fitness, or a healthier lifestyle. But I suggest you suspend your perception for but a moment and imagine this – all our decisions, regardless of what they are, can lead to a lonely road. If you make a decision, and a big one (about work, your marriage, where you want to live, leading a healthy life, your political or faith-based views), you have to be prepared to walk a lonely path. And I have learned this only through experience.
You will lose some soldiers who have been with you through every war imaginable. You will lose the support you thought you had and the shoulder that was once there to bare your tears. You will lose those who are unable to cope with the new you; who are not ready to embrace your decisions and realize that you are doing this for you. And while I cried, pretty darn hard today, when all I wanted was a “don’t worry, everything will be okay”, I need to realize I have to be strong for me. Because it’s only for me that I’m walking this path. Weight loss and a new focus on life was not who I was two years ago. And because I am a new me, the new me is making bolder, tougher decisions now and with that, I have to be prepared for how my circle reacts.
This is the lonely part of any journey. It can be a mom saying something hurtful when all you want is a pat on the shoulder; it can be a friend that only sees the negative; it can be a partner that fails to be sensitive in a very intimate moment. These brief blips in time can be lonely.
All I can say to you is this…. Don’t dismiss your strength in getting through. Don’t hold back because you’re scared of walking alone for a bit.
I may not be alone in this, but it certainly can be a lonely journey.