All I want is Homemade Mac’n Cheese

It’s a rainy, dismal day.  I have been awake since 4, kids up at 6:15, and with the stink of worm and fall in the air (not a great combination), all I want is a big ol’ bowl of homemade mac’n cheese (with white pasta, tons of salt, parm and old cheddar cheese) and sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing.

rainFor those of you who don’t know, my secret past addiction was white pasta.  Some of us who are fighting daily to make the best nutritional choices, move our bodies and battle with the voices in our heads may turn to fast food, chocolate, bags of candy, boxes of cookies, pizza, wings, and the like.  Me?  I could eat white pasta non-stop.  While gone are the University days of white Fettuccine Alfredo, chilling on the second-hand couches and watching COPS and America’s Most Wanted, I still find complete comfort in this food.  And a day like today brings back that need for comfort.

How am I dealing with this – well I arranged my day to workout later in the afternoon, however, my workout buddies (both) fell through.  Instant downer.  Pasta is looking really good right now!  There is no food in the house so thinking about what to eat that will fuel instead of comfort is difficult.  Opportunity knocks.  Pasta is looking super good right now!  My family decided to go to an outdoor event leaving me alone in the house.  I can sneak in an entire pot of pasta and NO ONE would know. The stars are aligned!  There is a God!  Pasta is not only looking good right now, but I can almost taste it.

What did I do, you ask?

I prepared this….

lunch

I am getting the hell out of the house because left to my own devices, I will be waist deep in pasta and cheese and that is just a recipe for disaster…. I am heading to the gym on my own for a full body workout.  I have the time so why not?

How do I really get through these oh-so-tough moments though?  I think, and really sit and think, before I automatically act now.  I actually picture myself, without even being present in my body, tuning everything out and inhaling cups and cups of the white crap.  For the mere seconds it would take me to eat a dinner plate of it, I fast forward to what happens afterwards.  Those few seconds of feeling nothing are quickly exchanged for heartburn, bloating, nausea, and just wanting to sleep!  And don’t get me started on the guilt.  Really, why would I want that when I can enjoy peppers, sockey salmon and green olives that leave me vital, energized and ready to move my body?

This is the journey.  Needing to be present in your mind and body and recognizing when old habits and behaviours show their little, manipulative faces! Push through.  Tell yourself you deserve more.  And when I, at least, feel like the time and environment are right, that I actually want that white pasta with cheese, I’ll have it.  But I can guarantee it would never be on a day I’m on my A game; it would never be after a workout, or talking with a client about what their goals and aspirations are.  It would only be when I associate food with comfort.  And I am happy to say, I am ALMOST passed that!

Axo

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