Figure it out as you go…

Figure it out as you go…

For those of you who know me, I can honestly say, in retrospect, I was pretty uptight when I was in the corporate rat race.

I would stress, plan, stress some more, over plan, worry, get stuck on the many, many endless details of whatever it was that was taking up most of the space in my brain at the time.

Amy’s sixth note, F, is for Figure it out as you go.

The very idea of this can have any Type A personality in a downward spiral of anxiety (and please, I’m not making light of any sort of anxiety or stress disorder as I truly believe I suffered greatly from both – resulting in a handful of panic attacks).

I was the classic Big A personality:  A temperament characterized by excessive ambition, aggression, competitiveness, drive, impatience, need for control, focus on quantity over quality and unrealistic sense of urgency. It is commonly associated with risk of coronary disease and other stress-related ailments.

Now, this is a fairly exhaustive and frightening description, but I would say, especially after having my daughter and going through two years of postpartum depression, this was me.  Now, I still think I knew how to have a good time and enjoyed myself when out with my friends, but even during my big annual Valentine’s Day Feasts, I would lament for months before the actual dinner, focusing on the tiniest of details.

Fast-forward to this year’s party, I catered in and set the table.  I was ready in less than an hour. I focused on the company and the rest just naturally fell into place.  Previous years’ parties would take me days to set up and I would avoid answering the phone worried my friends would cancel last-minute – what did that say about me?

This Note on Life is absolutely wonderful – like really magical, succinct, and timely for me.  If there is anything out of these 7 Notes that I adore most, it is this.  The reason F sits so heavy on me is that if you follow F, the rest just seems to happen organically and without thought or plan.

There is a part of my life I am not writing much on right now, which in itself is a little against the grain for me – but let me say this – my motto is Amy’s 6th note.  I am entering this facet of my life with no plan, no assumption, no worry or conviction of what should be, just sketches of the outlines (as she puts it) and know I will figure out things as I go.

Some friends have asked how I have walked away from being so regimented – I really don’t have the answer.  Maybe I realized in the end, having a full life of experiences and not a scheduled life of predictions is funner.

I am thankful for Ms. Krouse Rosenthal’s introspection on her Life Notes.

Like much in my life, I really didn’t have a plan of where this writing would go; the only thing I committed to (the rough edges drawn out) was that I would stick to the consistency.  Her Notes have kept me focused during an otherwise insane week for me.

And tomorrow, well, we’ll just see what happens – I choose to figure it out as I go!

Axo

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