Some endings are welcomed…
The end of a tough work week.
The end of a terrible movie.
The end of any type of turmoil like a fight, driving in an ice storm or eating your brussel sprouts as a kid.
But then, there are those endings that aren’t predictable. The ones that sneak up on ya with very little warning or head’s up.
These ending may include your favourite series on Netflix (because, like me, you don’t look ahead at how many season or episodes there are). This may also include the bottom of a Smarties box, where you just hope there’s one stuck at the bottom.
Or, more personally for me, a situation in life where you kinda felt things were perfect and then they’re not and it’s hard to imagine things differently.
Endings are tough when they don’t fall into category one in the above, but rather those that knock the wind out of you. Those are the ones where you need to learn to start a new beginning, reinvent what you may have thought was right, and tell yourself every day endings have to happen in order for chapters to close and where new paragraphs are born.
I am struggling with an end right now.
An end I don’t want to believe is happening, but need to embrace in order to start new words on the page that will move into paragraphs and eventually chapters. An end that brings heaviness to my soul and tears pooling in the cups of my clavicle and the constant hope that maybe it’s just a pause.
December is hard for me. Struggling with SAD has become a routine experience and staying active and eating well are my only remedies. I have fallen into some pretty disruptive behaviours lately and self awareness is pulling me out of that.
I’m writing this tonight because I need to.
And I know there are many of you who may be struggling with similar things like ending that job you hate, leaving that person who says the right things but does the wrong, possibly wishing you never got bangs.
Wherever this finds you, it’s ok to grieve and mourn your loss, even if it’s over that last Smartie. Endings are the perfect reason to start again.
Reinvention and curiosity and focus will get you to writing your chapters again.
But for now, give yourself permission to acknowledge what’s happening. The end is sometimes needed.
Let it happen. Then pick yourself up and get going.