“I did not come in last,” she said and this is what it meant for her.

I wrote a blog back in September about a 5k gone wrong. I had made a goal a few month before with my then boyfriend and we were to train and prep for the 5k, run it and then go to the wine festival that was happening in the hosting town.

Well, I didn’t train, my life was in an emotional whirlwind with my dad’s final days approaching and somewhere, in the recesses of my heart, I knew the man beside me was starting to pull away.

We woke the morning of to temperatures close to 40 degrees Celsius and a panic that I hadn’t felt in some time ensued. I was excited to be doing this with someone who meant so much to me and knowing a friendly face would be at the finish line to greet me made the anticipation a little less overwhelming.

It was a bad run. For more detail, please go back to my post entitled “‘I came in last’, she said and this is what it meant for her”. The detail I chose to leave out at the time of publishing is that there was not a friendly face awaiting me at the finish line and that made my day’s experience ten times worse. But, I digress.

Fast forward to yesterday… I am redeemed! And not by some act of God or streak of luck or fluke. My commitment to myself after I wrote that blog a few months back was to never come in last again. That goal was hit!

After my Single at 41 blog was published, I had a lot of feedback on my strength, courage and resolve to move forward with what I wanted for 2018. I sketched out a list of goals I wanted to accomplish on my own, many of which I had declared to my love during the intimate moments in bed, as the sun poked through the curtains or we sipped coffee while our toes found each other under the sheets. These were things we had wanted to do together and when together doesn’t exist, I picked myself up and recreated that list for me.

I travelled to Arizona to cross one of my Single at 41 goals off the official list. Thinking back to that hot, crushing morning in September that deflated my confidence and soul, I knew I would not only beat my time, but I would feel like me again!

A fellow scale warrior posted on IG some time ago that she had registered for an upcoming 5k. I wanted to cheer her on and it was an opportunity to offer myself a redo of that September mishap.

We crushed it. We struggled as the first half was a steady incline, but stuck with our intervals on the back half and at one point I even found my runner’s breath and kept going. I was slow, but I kept going.

What did NOT coming in last mean to me? It meant that I am enough. It meant that I have enough within my grasp to lead a happy, fulfilling life even when the dips and valleys happen.

I was in Phoenix for 48 hours. I came with reservation, hesitation and a little doubt. I am leaving with confidence, pride and a kick ass tattoo to remind me what this weekend was all about.

Thanks, Jess. This was a pretty amazing trip for me. We did it!!!

Axxo

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